Thanks, Fifty and Co., and you, too, Libs! From the Washington Post:But as a black woman, I have witnessed the outrage of girlfriends when the ex failed to show up for his weekend with the kids, and I've seen the disappointment of children who missed having a dad around. Having enjoyed a close relationship with my own father, I made a conscious decision that I wanted a husband, not a live-in boyfriend and not a "baby's daddy," when it came my time to mate and marry.
My time never came.
For years, I wondered why not. And then some 12-year-olds enlightened me.
"Marriage is for white people."
That's what one of my students told me some years back when I taught a career exploration class for sixth-graders at an elementary school in Southeast Washington. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys in the class stated that being a good father was a very important goal to them, more meaningful than making money or having a fancy title.
"That's wonderful!" I told my class. "I think I'll invite some couples in to talk about being married and rearing children."
"Oh, no," objected one student. "We're not interested in the part about marriage. Only about how to be good fathers."
And that's when the other boy chimed in, speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."
He's right. At least statistically. The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. Such statistics have caused Howard University relationship therapist Audrey Chapman to point out that African Americans are the most uncoupled people in the country.
The culture of "you don't need family support, just government support" has helped create a culture of no stable family life in black communities. Couple that with the devaluation of women by the 'rap culture' and the almost prideful view of fathering as many children by as many different women emphasized by rappers and even to some extent, professional athletes, and you have the mess the black community currently has. You see, responsibility has been thrown to the backside. All that matters is "being a good father" which can be translated to teaching the kids about bling bling, teaching them to deal drugs, or just teaching them to hate other cultures. The notion of being a responsible person and marrying the mother of your children is considered passe, a joke. And, don't think that whites have a premium on the issue, because white marriage rates are falling as well. The nanny state is working its magic, destroying families and bonds everyday, as more people give up responsibility and embrace govt. assistance and just saying that it is someone else's problem.
