Voinovich Claims to be the Life of the Party; Conservatives Laugh Hysterically

Join us now for the latest episode in the Secret Life of The Crying Man, our Senator RINOvich courtesy of Mark Naymik and the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

George Voinovich is trying to stage a comeback.

Not in the U.S. Senate, where the two-term senator recently lost out on a key committee assign ment to a less experienced colleague.

Nor in the polls, which do not bother with him because he is not up for re-election until 2010.

The 71-year-old former governor and Cleveland mayor says he wants to make a comeback within the Ohio Republican Party.

Oh, dear Lord... This is EXACTLY what the Ohio Republican Party needs...another RINO with delusions of grandeur at the reigns of a state party that has only recently realized that it has wandered off the reservation.

"I've kinda been in the back ground, in terms of leadership in the party, because [Gov. Bob] Taft was the titular head of the party," he told The Plain Dealer in a recent interview.

Yeah...and how'd that turn out, Senator? You and Bob Taft are carbon copies of one another minus the scandal...

With a Democrat now in the gov ernor's office, Voinovich says he wants to help the GOP keep control of the Statehouse and pick up congressional seats in 2008.

Are you serious??? Senator, if you really want to help Republicans in the state of Ohio, allow me to recommend that you announce your retirement and then serve out the rest of your term as quietly as humanly possible.

To show his commitment, Voinovich hosted a dinner last month for party leaders from around the state.

"We indicated to them we are reasserting ourselves," he said.

And how did that go over? You are "reasserting" yourself? What does that mean? You plan to stick your nose in more matters that are above your paygrade and beyond your faculties? If that is what you mean, then please, stay on the sidelines.

His efforts are a bit self-serving - a way to plug in his re-election campaign to the party. And the list of reasons why his timing is off is long.

Self-serving? Our Crying Man RINovich? Say it ain't so...

Here are a few:

The 16 years of party domination that Voinovich engineered ended last year, when voters rejected Republicans he helped usher in, including his one-time lieutenant governor, Mike DeWine, who lost his U.S. Senate seat.

Yes. The Crying Man single-handedly assembled the Ohio Republican Party and the machine that kept Ohio Republicans in power long after his RINOness left the governor's mansion. Let us all bow down and kiss his ring now...

Bob Bennett, the Ohio GOP boss who waved a broom on stage at Voinovich's gubernatorial re-election victory party in 1994, is headed for retirement.

This is a good thing, not a reason for RINOvich to feel like he's needed...

The combined age of the state's post-Voinovich political leaders - Kevin DeWine, the deputy chairman of the party, and Ohio House speaker Jon Husted - is barely greater than Voinovich's.

Yes, allow me to translate for the Senator...what that means is that you are getting old and ought to retire.

Some party leaders privately worry that Voinovich - who gave the Republican bogeyman, indicted coin dealer Tom Noe, his start - will be vulnerable three years from now.

Ahh...Tom Noe...thank you very much, Senator, for that one...

Despite all of that, Voinovich wants to wear the party's leadership mantle.

He dismisses his age as a nonissue. But press him on it and he'll tell you three things that make him sound like an aging boxer begging for one more bout: He weighs less than he did in high school, his stationary bike in Washington has 25,000 miles on it and he wears a pe dometer on his belt to keep track of his miles.

It isn't your physical form that disqualifies you, Senator, it is your mental capacity.

"Candidly, if I don't seek re- election, it will be very difficult for the Republicans to hold this seat," he said. "I think most people understand that."

You have been in Washington far too long, Senator, when you start believing your own spin... Mike DeWine thought that too...how'd that work out again? Oh, yeah, he lost to a socialist.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, here are a few things that support his contention:

He is the rare Republican who does very well in Democrat-heavy Northeast Ohio, a key to any statewide win.

That won't help him this time...

He is far better known than the Republicans who covet his seat, such as Rob Portman of Cincinnati, a former congressman and former budget director for President Bush. (Portman, by the way, is hosting an upcoming fund-raiser for Voinovich.)

There is another strike against Rob Portman...

In Senate years, Voinovich is only middle-aged. More than two-dozen senators were born in the same year or earlier than he.

It isn't the years that matter; it's whether or not you are capable of comprehending the issues. Shall we run that tape of the Hannity interview again?

Exit polls taken in Ohio following last year's election show that an unpopular president and the war in Iraq influenced voters' decisions more than Republican scandals. (Of course, if the war in Iraq is not over in 2010, voters could take it out on a Republican senator.)

Exit polls showed that Al Gore and John Kerry have both won the presidency too...

But in the end, Voinovich is hardly a political animal at a time the party needs one.

Politics is a game for the young...

By his own admission, the state has turned blue.

And it is because of politicans like Voinovich who have refused to stand for principles that Republicans are supposed to believe.

"I think next year will be a tough year for Republicans," he explains. "I would probably say that you can predict that the Democrats will take the presidency."

That is exactly the sort of go-get-'em attitude I want in a state party leader...

Although sincere, Voinovich speaks a language different from that of the current party machinery, which relies on sophisticated marketing to make its case to voters.

"I'm an old grass-roots guy," he said. "What people don't know about George Voinovich is that I'm probably the only member of the Senate that was a ward leader for 14 years. I will be working with county chairmen to make sure that they don't forget the fundamentals."

That is the best idea I've seen expressed in the three pages of this drivel... The Ohio Republican Party does need to reconnect with the grassroots. Not just the party machinery, but the actual voters in the rank and file. But Voinovich isn't the guy to do it...

Asked why he wants to run again, instead of enjoying his hobbies - bass fishing, for instance - Voinovich sounds like the Christ-like Santiago from Hemingway's classic "The Old Man and the Sea."

"I've said to my kids that I'm running out of time and the country is running out of time," he said, "so I should take the time I have left and use it to make a difference for them and their grandchildren."

He sure sounds Reaganesque there doesn't it. America is just about out of time... We better vote for a linguini-spined old guy who is so depressing that he dulls the shining city on the hill...

Voinovich believes he is the right Republican because a third term would give him important seniority to land important positions within his committees. (DeWine offered a similar message during his campaign, which failed to resonate.)

Even Mark Naymik gets this one...

By the way, seniority doesn't mean all that much if Republicans don't regain the majority...

For now, time is on Voinovich's side. He has three years to make his case.

Don't bother, Senator...case closed. All the evidence has been stored here.

UPDATE: Tom Blumer piles on here and here.