CINCINNATI -- Run for your lives! Oh, the destruction in wake of the chill winds of the Great White Death is devestating. Our fair city has been attacked by an sudden outbreak of Global Warming; which is particularly odd since there has not been an Al Gore sighting here in years.
Accredited weather scientists have been warning us for days, but those calls went ignored at our peril. We have only ourselves to blame for this outbreak of Global Warming. If only somebody had the courage to blame Bush, we might have survived this apocolypse with considerable less carnage.
Somewhere, somehow, the appropriate sacrifice must be made to appease Mother Gaia. Greater Cincinnati must establish a major recycling project if we wish to avert this sort of disaster from ever happening again. We believe in hope and I think we can all work together for change. Yes, we can! The future of our beloved tri-state is at stake; each of us must do our part.
9:30AM UPDATE: Total accumlation thus far: slight dusting. Accumulation on the roads: zero. Set condition two throughout the ship! RED ALERT! Go to DEFCON 1!
3/10 UPDATE: WHERE'S MY MUTHA-^$*#@^$(%! FEMA CHECK???! I blame Bush. Heh, you said it, Gordon...
