Dear Residents of the Ninth Congressional District,
Thank you for voting for me and returning me to Congress for the past 28 years. During my years in Congress, while serving as your representative, we have accomplished the following, of which I am very proud:
(1) Congress has increased spending to unsustainable levels. When I began my service to you, the U.S. was about $1 trillion in debt. This year I expect that we will have increased our debt to over $14 trillion. I feel this is one of my greatest accomplishments.
(2) Congress has bailed out (greedy) banks, (greedy) Wall Street firms, and auto companies (which employ hard working men and women).
(3) Congress has hired more Federal workers than at any other time in the history of the United States. I am permitted to hire 18 full-time staff members for my office alone, as are all other members of Congress. When I started, my pay was $69,800 per year. Today it is $174,000 per year. The Federal Government is now the nation's largest employer. Including contract employees which the government pays for, there are over 14 million federal workers. Not counting contract workers, the government writes pay checks to over 2.5 million workers, the largest amount ever. When I began my career in Congress, there were barely 1 million workers on government payrolls. We've come a long way.
(4) Government workers are paid more than all you chumps in the private sector. The average federal government worker now makes $67,691 plus $40,785 in benefits. Private sector employees average $60,046 and much less in benefits. A government janitor, for example, makes $30,000 while one in the private sector makes $24,000 per year. I'm so happy I've been able to take care of government (union) workers and that there are so many of them now. Thank you all for paying for not only my salary, but for the salary of my staff and all the government workers.
(5) We have now placed control of your health care in the good hands of the Federal Government. My vote helped to ensure that your treatment options when you are sick will be determined by the Federal bureaucracy.
(6) We have successfully limited the energy supply of our country and, during my 28 years in Congress, my votes have helped to ensure that we are more dependent on foreign countries for our energy supply each year. In 1981, just before I came to Congress, 43.6% of our oil came from foreign sources. Today, with my help in voting against new drilling in our country, 66.2% of our oil comes from foreign sources. I'm particularly proud that we are sending billions of dollars each month to our enemies.
(7) Finally, I'm proud of the fact that only 52% of our citizens have to pay income taxes and that, because of my votes and those of my fellow Democrats in Congress, 48% of our citizens get a totally free ride. Haven't we made this the greatest country in the history of the world?
I hope you appreciate all I have done for you these past 28 years. I know that, since I do so many nice things for my constituents, you will all continue to blindly vote for me when I am up for re-election.