Today, my life is much different and I’m not sure where that leaves me, but I know how it feels. For those of you wondering how all this feels I can tell you in one word---lousy.What a &^%^$%*( tool. Not one word of remorse. And that this jack@$$ has the nerve to disrespect Chuck Furmon in his parting shot on his way to Pound You in the @$$ Federal Prison is just the epitome of hypocrisy and hubris.
I feel like I have died, that my life is over, but yet I’m still alive. I look back and think about how I built my entire existence around serving people. Now is seems that it must have been a waste of a life. I’m struggling with this and don’t know what to do about it.
I know that these feelings are not rational nor are they sensible but I still feel that way. I’m not sure what to do. I still have absolute belief---belief in our God and his promises---I still have faith, and hope, but those threads that hold me together are thin.
I know that God promises to his believers and those who walk in his path that everything works together for good.
I have tried to find the good and it is so difficult to see right now. I know that time and patience are important and so I’ll continue to pray for God’s guidance and soothing comfort. Right now I do not feel it.
I pray that someway I will find that connection with God and my inner self, and once again feel the force of the God of peace and love, and comfort.
I don’t want my “story” to end here. I continue to want to minister to those who hurt like I do at the moment, those who face overwhelming challenges, like I have; those who have lost hope and live on nothingness, a pit of darkness I fear more than anything.
I feel I must have somehow got out of God’s favor and his purpose. I know I am not the person the government portrayed me as being. I should not be a poster boy for what’s wrong in government, but rather what’s needed in government---someone who takes the time to listen, learn, and work hard to do what’s right, fight for what’s right even when it hurts, and always take special interest in those who are down trodden.
I fell like all that is gone and more than anything I’m reaching out to you for your prayers. I thought if I gave you a sense of how I feel that you could lift me up in prayer with more precision and direction.
Simply put, I need to restore and strengthen my connection to God and figure out who I am. The pieces of who I am or was have been thrown hither and yond.
What does one do when you look back on your life and figure out that you got it all wrong?
I need God’s wisdom and insight to make it through this difficult ordeal. I am so worried about so many things, but first among them is my mother. I will be completely crushed, unbelievably crushed, if she passes while I am in jail. She is 83 and has suffered much pain and stress.
She has been under so much stress dealing with my brother and me. It breaks my heart to know that I have added to her pain. Please give her special attention in prayer and pray that she remains in good health throughout my prison term so that I may return to her and be with her in her last days.
I am taking time to sort through all the pieces and try to make sense of it. As to the judge’s decision, it wasn’t a surprise---she already had her comments written before Monday’s hearing even began. She told the probation department she had changed her opinion (In a September conference she indicated that she was leaning toward home incarceration) in late October or early November.
So…I knew it was coming, but even so it hurt when judgment was pronounced. I particularly hurt when at Monday’s hearing I had to watch a soon to be former County Commissioner, someone who had done the least to help Butler County and its citizens during his tenure in office, gleefully help put a person who did the most good for the county and its people in jail. That hurt.
Despite all the difficulties I now face I am so fortunate to have so many friends and people who know of and appreciate the good things that I have done. To you, I say thank you for your words of support and appreciation. I am blessed in so many ways and realize that compared to others my troubles are trivial.
I now am tasked to figure out what the next chapter in my life will be. I pray to God that this will not be the defining moment. I am going to work hard to make all of this work out for good and I am so grateful for those whose prayers and words of support are there to push me forward. I have not, nor will I ever betray the trust and faith you placed in me throughout my career.
Thank you all.
Mike, Chuck Furmon did what you claimed to be about. Furmon has integrity. He looked out for the public good. You, jack@$$, are the one who lied, cheated, and stole from the good people of Butler County and how dare you insult the one man who actually did something about YOUR crimes.
Bottom line, Mike: If you don't want to do the time, DON'T DO THE %^*$&^(% CRIME! Enjoy your time in prison, Mike...and maybe you'll learn a little humility while you are in there.